School Jokes for Young and OldThis is a featured page

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.


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School Jokes for Young and Old - ST MARYS RC SCHOOL WILTON STREET

The Nun's Secret
The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."

School Jokes for Young and Old - ST MARYS RC SCHOOL WILTON STREETPearly Gates
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of dublin
St. Peter consults his list.
He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the priests turn.
He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, priest of st marys for the last forty-three years."
St Peter consults his list.
He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the priest "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
********
NUN JOKE
The children were lined up in the dining room for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate biscuits A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." ****
****
A class went on a school trip to Rome. On the Sunday they all went to church and when they came out the teacher said, `I hope you all behaved.' .
`Oh, yes, sir,' said one girl. `A kind man offered me a plate full of money but I said, "no thanks".

*****
NUNS JOKE
A.young nun enters a convent, where she can only utter two words every ten years. After the first decade, she visits Mother Superior and says, "bed hard."
Ten years later, she says, "food bad." After 30 years, she goes to the Mother Superior and says, "I quit."
"I'm not surprised," says Mother Superior. "You've been complaining ever since you got here." ******
PRIEST JOKE
One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.
An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?"
"Flat on his back over by the holy water," the boy informed him.
******
TEACHERS JOKE
Mother: How do you like your new teacher ?
Son: I don't. She told me to sit up front for the present and then she didn't give me one !
****

why did the teacher wear sun glasses?
because his class where so bright!
****

Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you ?
Pupil:YES! But you said not to answer you back !
****

hISTORY JOKE
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
****

A MATHS JOKE
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair!
You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
***
D
INNER JOKES
Mum: From now on your going to have free school dinners.
Son:But, Mum, I don't want three school dinners, one is more than enough !
****

Dinner Lady: It's very rude to reach over the table for cakes, haven't you got a tongue in your head ?
Pupil: Yes, but my arms are longer !
****

What's the matter with your school dinner?"
"Can you describ it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I've eaten!"
****
SCHOOL JOKE

It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse ?"
"Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down !"
****

What did you learn in school today ?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow !


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